wow

Wow. 


That word is so inadequate but it's what comes to mind.  I'm sitting here having watched the remnants of an average sunset.... As if there was such a thing.  I think how beautiful it is and how it looks like a painting. And then I realize that paintings are only feeble expressions of the real beauty that my eye is actually watching unfold before me. How backwards we think sometimes.  Every second it is changing and moving and altering in shade yet always beautiful. 




It's as if the view I see of land and sky and sea has God's name all over it.  My brain looks out and I see "God" in Times New Roman all over everything I'm looking at.  No seriously, it happened.  Land and see that are held together and in place by the hands of God.  Gravity does its thing-- because God controls gravity.  Each atom in every molecule of water is clinging to each other because He said so. 
And then I am ashamed to realize how much of my day is wasted by me doubting God.  His power, His promises, and especially His love.  He silently gives me these signs daily, causes His sun to rise and set as if its no big deal.  Because to Him... it isn't.  And yet even while writing this my mind is so weak in unbelief and fear.  Let not your heart be troubled.  He is faithful, and He will do it.  As surely as the sun will rise tomorrow, my salvation is secure and I am righteous in the sight of Almighty God. Praise God.

to my single sisters

To my sisters in Christ who are, like myself, single long past when I had hoped to be married:

This is the truth:

Lie: you have done something wrong.  Every Christian girl should be married by your age. 
Truth: There is no shame.

You're not not pretty enough. You're not lovable. There is no standard this world, our fellow believers, or ourselves can actually place on our shoulders for a timeline on this life that God has created and sovereignly ordered for us.  I am, we are, exactly-- did you catch that? exactly- where God has chosen us to be.  As I am sitting here, I am glorifying God by being right in the timeline that He has set out for me. I would not have chosen all that God has chosen for me.  But guess what?? God knows what is best for me.  This. is best for me.  Our purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  He is glorified by me being single, today, March 8th 2015.

Lie:  You're missing out on something irreplaceable, the love of another human being joined with you for your entire life.
Truth:  God's best for you does not include holding something back from you that would be genuinely good for you.  He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also along with Him graciously give us all things?

The love of the all powerful, all knowing, deeply loving LORD of the universe loves you perfectly and without any hint of sin or unfaithfulness.  The love of a husband is, I imagine, amazing and certainly God created, a huge gift. However, an earthly love will fail as it is held in the heart of a human still prone to sin. But nothing can be compared with the love of our perfect Husband.   His love is more than enough to satisfy.  Fact.

Lie: I'll never get to be a bride with a gorgeous dress.
Truth: You are part of Christ's Bride with the most dazzling, beautiful dress ever seen.


Each daughter of the King has a life that God has planned down to the minor details.  If God glorifies Himself in the fact that you are single-- and He does, there is. no. shame. We just have to trust that God knows best and that all He does for us is done in love.  Let us not be discontent in the GOOD life that God has chosen for us at this time.  You are dearly loved.  Incredibly precious.  I know this is all true, help thou Lord my unbelief. 

because I can't sleep

Lying here unable to sleep before an early day tomorrow, trying to keep my mind on good things. Read a post a friend posted on facebook about marriage and things that either injure your spouse or encourage them. I obviously have no personal experience in anything marriage-related and I think marriage would be a difficult endeavor but it's also exciting to think that you can mean so much to someone that the things you say and do make a huge difference in their emotional well-being. What a blessing to be able to bless someone you care about deeply with just a few words.


I'm afraid of the vulnerability that marriage entails especially when it comes to my unhealthy brain and the havoc that it wreaks in me. But I know that God can prepare whomever he has for me to be able to cope with my brain and everything else that makes up me. Grateful that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us and looking forward to being one with someone who loves God with their whole heart.


All this to say: Dear man who God planned before the foundation of the world to love me and be a picture of Christ to me, I prayed for you tonight.


Lord, make us both love you.

my fathers and my blessings

Gone through a bit of a rough time the past couple weeks.  The new year brought unpleasant surprises.  But a few things have shone more brightly than before or at least in new ways. Through this time of pain and tears my earthly father has expressed that his heart breaks to see mine broken.  In my shallow belief in God's sovereignty I begin to wonder what God is doing, why He would choose something for me that just hurts.  But in a deeper understanding of who God is, my dad's heart for me reminded me that if my father on earth could hurt to see me hurt, how much more perfectly does my Father in heaven love me.  He is good in His love all the time and whatever He chooses for me His motives and desires are never just to see me struggle.  He has a great purpose and cares for me even more than my dad.  I tend to be more theologically sound in my thoughts of God- which is good, but I sometimes miss out on the relationship side of my relationship with God.  Grateful for both my Daddys and their tender hearts towards me.  I hope to understand God's heart for me even more.