because I can't sleep

Lying here unable to sleep before an early day tomorrow, trying to keep my mind on good things. Read a post a friend posted on facebook about marriage and things that either injure your spouse or encourage them. I obviously have no personal experience in anything marriage-related and I think marriage would be a difficult endeavor but it's also exciting to think that you can mean so much to someone that the things you say and do make a huge difference in their emotional well-being. What a blessing to be able to bless someone you care about deeply with just a few words.


I'm afraid of the vulnerability that marriage entails especially when it comes to my unhealthy brain and the havoc that it wreaks in me. But I know that God can prepare whomever he has for me to be able to cope with my brain and everything else that makes up me. Grateful that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us and looking forward to being one with someone who loves God with their whole heart.


All this to say: Dear man who God planned before the foundation of the world to love me and be a picture of Christ to me, I prayed for you tonight.


Lord, make us both love you.

my fathers and my blessings

Gone through a bit of a rough time the past couple weeks.  The new year brought unpleasant surprises.  But a few things have shone more brightly than before or at least in new ways. Through this time of pain and tears my earthly father has expressed that his heart breaks to see mine broken.  In my shallow belief in God's sovereignty I begin to wonder what God is doing, why He would choose something for me that just hurts.  But in a deeper understanding of who God is, my dad's heart for me reminded me that if my father on earth could hurt to see me hurt, how much more perfectly does my Father in heaven love me.  He is good in His love all the time and whatever He chooses for me His motives and desires are never just to see me struggle.  He has a great purpose and cares for me even more than my dad.  I tend to be more theologically sound in my thoughts of God- which is good, but I sometimes miss out on the relationship side of my relationship with God.  Grateful for both my Daddys and their tender hearts towards me.  I hope to understand God's heart for me even more.